I Blew It With The Most Beautiful Girl In The World
And I don’t regret it.
Okay, I know what you’re all thinking — the most beautiful girl in the world?
Yes, for me she was. She had bright green eyes, curvaceous body, beautiful religious clothing style. Head held high with dignity and self-awareness and lightning intelligence.
She was in a completely different league than me. But you know what? This meeting taught me a lesson.
We met through a friend
A friend of mine suggested to me that we meet for coffee and see how it goes. I don’t have her on Facebook, and her Whatsapp picture is not a selfie. I didn’t know how she looked. Then, she came out of the gate into the mall and walked straight to me. Her green eyes gazed right into my soul, and I blacked out on everything I wanted to say. I made an effort to think of what to say, and nothing came up. As we walked outside of the mall towards the cafe shop we planned to sit in, There were some awkward silences.
I did come up with interview questions which I later regretted. “How was your day?”, “Tell me a little about your parents,” “What do you work in?”, etc.
We were picking up the conversation, but it quickly died out a few times. A constant feeling of dread to blow this up planted itself in the pit of my stomach and accompanied me during the evening.
I hated my stomach so much yesterday.
I was awestruck
The woman does not back off of a stare. As we progressed during the evening, there were multiple times where I would run out of things to say, and she wouldn’t make an effort to pick up the conversation and stare at me.
I thought to myself, “why am I so intimidated? We talked on the phone before. I know some things about this girl. Why can’t I keep a narrative to our conversation?”
I think, in all my life, I’ve never been in the company of a woman I found so attractive as I saw her.
She loves board games and books, and she’s also in the high-tech industry, and she’s super smart!
And I blew it.
It all came crashing down
After I paid for our dinner, I suggested we go for a walk towards her bus station since I wanted to move so I can think better. She mistook it as a sign that I wanted to end the date early and I explained myself, but the damage was already done. The language felt more formal at that point like two acquaintances commenting about the weather.
When we got to the bus station, after talking a bit about the places we were visiting abroad, I was mostly rambling as we waited for her bus.
She didn’t look interested in picking up the conversation.
Then, as we’ve run out of things to say and people started boarding the bus, she said, “I’ll go board the bus.”
So I thanked her and said I had a lot of fun and we’ve parted ways.
I knew she would have at least an hour ride home since she lives in a different city, so I waited and messaged her to let me know when she arrived home. She did.
And so I went to sleep, knowing full well that I blew it.
This morning I sent her a good morning message at around 10 AM saying, “Hey, good morning! So, I’m self-aware and know I wasn’t my usual charismatic self yesterday, but just in case I didn’t get the right message across — I wanted you to know I had a lot of fun and I would love to meet with you again.”
She saw that message 45 minutes later and didn’t respond for the entire day. Only almost at 11 PM she answered and said, “I’m sorry for responding so late, I had to think. I don’t think we’re a good match. Good luck in your search.”
I knew it was coming. I already envisioned writing about this experience, and I only had the faintest hope she might see past the flawed image I was projecting yesterday. I can’t blame her for the decision she made.
I think this is the first time in my life that I’ve been with such a beautiful moment and truly regretted not investing more in myself. Being fit would have probably added to my chances with her. I wouldn’t have had to rely solely on my wits. I would have had the benefit of attraction. Today with a beer belly and being overweight does not give me any bonus points.
But I found the motivation. We could have been great together, at least in my eyes, and I blew it. If I had invested more in myself, I would have been more confident more charismatic.
Still, I don’t regret going out on this date with her. I finally understand what to fight for. what to invest in. I know why I want to change myself instead of just saying I should or listening to others say it without fully explaining why.
I know that when I find the love of my life, nothing about my looks will matter. But it’s always better to date someone when you’re feeling great in your own skin.
Oren Cohen is a Software Development Engineer, Gamer, Geek, and Writer. He is writing in all sorts of topics on Medium, though his passion lies with Fantasy and Video Games.