I wrote not too long ago about keeping a diary in my 30s. In that article, I mentioned I was always the more sensitive one in my family. This sensitivity is accompanied by a certain emotional perception. I can usually tell just by looking at someone if they’re upset, sad, afraid. Even if they’re trying to conceal that fact, I may still detect it after spending a short while with them.
Why I keep a diary in my 30s
I’m almost thirty-two years old, and I still keep a diary. It’s one of the best decisions of my life.
During my life, I met many people whom I wanted to have close relationships with. For the most part, it worked with some of them, the others did not show much interest, and I never pushed hard. These human encounters taught me many things about people in general, and how absurd it is that what I am about to tell you in this article is not considered common knowledge for everyone.
1. Eye Contact
People will never have a close relationship with someone who can’t maintain eye contact with them. If you want someone to consider you close, be ready to dive into their eyes and deal with whatever you find there, whenever you’re having a conversation.
2. Be A Great Listener
This is an obvious one, right? To deepen a relationship, you need to be able to listen intently. I think this one deserves a whole article just for itself — but for now, let’s say that listening is essential.
3. Be Your Own Person
Close relationships occur between individuals with unique beliefs. The important part is staying true to yourself. If you agree with whatever people tell you, so you feel loved or liked, you don’t reveal anything meaningful about yourself. These disguises break very quickly, and people will see right through you. You can disagree, debate and respect each other for your own opinions; you shouldn’t erase your personality to satisfy someone else’s favor.
4. Body Language
In contrast to number 3 on this list, this one asks you to mimic the body language of people you want to be close with. When you are subtly mimicking other people’s behavior, you let them know you are like them. They see you as someone similar to them, and therefore your relationship deepens.
I’ll tell you a secret: I’m a sucker for a good hug. I believe that in many cases, hugs have helped me develop close relationships with men and women who are important to me. If you take one pointer from this list and apply it to your life, let it be this:
Embrace more, touch more.
Handshakes are great. Don’t just do high fives, do a real handshake. Or, maybe, only hand embrace for a moment. The critical factor here is the touch. Don’t shy away from it.
A lot of people, especially men, are deeply afraid of the concept of touching another man or woman. Also, sometimes it is pictured as though when a man embraces a woman, they are probably in a romantic relationship. Both are stereotypes. I’ve given a good strong hug to many men in my life. I’ve also given hugs to many women. Generally, I think true hugs will save the world, and I plan on doing a free hugs session somewhere where many people can be found like a mall or a busy street.
Hug more, hug tight. You’ll thank me later.
I hope these bullets gave you some ideas about how to deepen your relationship with people who are important to you. There are many other ways to deepen relationships, and I may do another article like this soon. Let me know if any of this helped you, and how.
Thanks for reading!
Oren Cohen is a Software Development Engineer, Gamer, Geek, and Writer. He is writing in all sorts of topics on Medium, though his passion lies with Fantasy and Video Games.