“Excuse me, is one of you Oren?” a voice asked as I was waiting in a huge line to get my books signed by Brandon Sanderson, last week.
“Yeah?” I turned and saw a friend of mine who just talked to me on Whatsapp a moment ago. I recognized him from his Social Media profiles but that moment was the first time we met in real life. As an instinct, I reached out to hug the guy. He reciprocated with a short hand-over-shoulders hug and we started speaking.
That was just the latest in a train of examples of encounters with people who miss the opportunity to engage in a Deep Hug. It’s sad but understandable. We’re not there yet.
Deep Hugs envelop the other person entirely within your arms and you gently squeeze them into your chest — into your heart. It’s a full-body hug where you don’t stand away from the person when hugging them. You’re truly there, embracing them and the moment.
Deep Hugs take into account one simple truth: When you hug someone, they are the center of your universe for the duration of the hug. You don’t hug while doing something else. You’re entirely in the moment.
With this story, I aim to show you why giving Deep Hugs is so important and see your relationships with others and yourself change.
Deep Hugs Are Scrutinized By Society
Perhaps the main reason why deep hugs don’t happen more often is that society frowns upon them. We’re essentially governed by a pack mentality and therefore what Society deems wrong — we don’t do. It’s useful in most cases but a real shame in this case.
When two people hug a Deep Hug — it will usually be considered romantic love by society. The reason is that hugs are considered emotional activities and we associate emotions with sexual activities and love.
But when I Deep Hug my male friend I don’t do that because I want to fuck him. I do it because he is so important to me on a platonic level and I appreciate his presence in my life. It’s 2019, I think we’re developed enough to know that not everything we do in life revolves around sex even though it is quite a good motivator.
The only way to break this devastating stigma is to prove society wrong. How to prove them wrong? Well, by giving more Deep Hugs and letting society believe what it will — you charge forward with your own beliefs.
Deep Hugs Promote Oxytocin
Here’s a piece of scientific research: When people give hugs they promote Oxytocin — the bonding hormone. Oxytocin allows you to feel more connected to people. One day, after you hugged someone a lot, you may feel they’re like family to you — that hormone is responsible for that. It does the same for both of you.
But that’s not all. In a world where Social Media allows us to interact digitally, the human element has become so much more important. When you hug more and make more sturdy connections with people — you will feel less lonely. That’s how it feels when you have a chosen family alongside your biological one.
Social Media is really wonderful. It allows us to meet so many new people on a daily basis. But the human experience shouldn’t stay on the digital plane. If you trust the person on the other end enough, take that relationship to the next level and meet them in person.
When you lock your hands behind someone’s back it could feel very strange at first — but do it enough times and you will get over the initial anxiety and you will crave hugs. The way they make you feel is addictive in a good way.
A Good Hug Has A Lasting Impression
Deep Hugs tend to leave a mark on you that casual half-sided hugs do not. You feel energized, you’re smiling. You’re happy that someone cares about you in this world. Both of you feel it. That’s Oxytocin’s effect on you.
But hormones aside, you do feel less lonely. You feel there is another soul out there in this vast universe that is somehow connected to you. A person whom you feel close to and can rely on, should the need arise.
A good hug will stay with you all day and make you think about that person and how thankful you are that they are your friend.
Don’t you want to smile more often? To have someone who listens? You should do the first step. Of course, don’t force it on them. People open up to Deep Hugs at their own pace but once they feel comfortable enough to hug you in this way, don’t ever let them go back to casual short hugs.
Show them your love for them is your own and not what society dictates. We may be a society but we’re also individual people with our own journeys.
It is my sincere hope that this story motivates you to Deep Hug more people. Be there in the moment, feel the connection made with them during the hug. Do that enough times and see your life change from being a closed-off recluse to a person that is open and loveable by other people.
The choice is yours.